Silence & Self-Reliance

An escape from the noise. A search within.

I recently spent a short weekend away in a cabin in the woods. Alone. What did I discover?

My cabin awaits.

When I heard about this place tucked away in the woods, I knew I needed a retreat here. As a belated birthday gift to myself and in dire need for solitude and respite, I arrived—ready, willing, and a tad anxious. No stranger to camping or roughing it, I’d never done it alone. Alone. Just me. In the winter in New England. Wood stove? Outhouse? Dark trips to the outhouse? Alone? (the gal who is terrified of bears?)

All…conquered!

The noise and uncertainty of the past year had me craving an escape…and time for reflection. Masked as a weekend away to edit my manuscript, read, and research, the true purpose of my stay revealed itself: to stop, breathe, and listen. Nature has always been my Muse and my fuel. It did not disappoint.

My weekend highlights:

Sunset on the first night.

I experienced mud (day 1), snow (day 1/day 2), rain (day 2), and ice (day 3). Winter did not let me down. Starting that wood stove from scratch working against a setting sun in a cold cabin? Sure, we made fires in our fireplace at home but I, alone, never did it. Some stumbling but I figured it out. Whew. Not much panic. Survival mode stepped in. And I made a game of “will this larger log fit”? Woo who! Splitting wood with a small, questionably rusty hatchet, and looking for kindling in the wood shed? Did it. Got too excited when I found some small shards or bark or newspaper (whew!). Braved the outhouse in the dark? Did it. Walked on a snowy trail alone (never have done before, and I usually don’t recommend it—safety in numbers)? Did it.

Moonlight bathed my cabin and my pillowcase. I believe it was a full “snow moon.” Gorgeous!

Owls hooted. Chipmunks and rabbits scurried past (thank goodness no bears, snakes, or coyotes! Hey, I am not that brave yet). The crackle and heat of a roaring wood stove fire warmed my cheeks and spirit. Home-cooked meals (brought along, reheated) were delish. I took a walk in the woods. The distant sounds of the wind, birds chirping, and a train whistle serenaded me. Oh, yeah, I also dug into editing my latest manuscript, wrote a new book’s scene, and lost myself in a novel I brought to read. I allowed the quiet and aloneness to both calm me and bewilder me.

Would I do this again?

Heck yeah.

Exiting the Decade: 2019 Year-End Summary

As not only 2019 comes to a close but so does a decade, it causes one to reflect. Wow, a decade! With the holidays settling, and an overabundance of food consumed, it’s time to share my year in pictures. It’s always hard to choose as I take an excessive number of photos and I’m a nature buff — it’s my muse after all. This year my phone and camera are clogged with photos of mountains & lakes (and anything nature), excursions, coffee shops/bookshelves, flowers and gardens, my cat, books, my children, and garden harvests.

Here is my 2019 summary, month by month in photos:

TOP TEN of 2019:

I broke it down to 5 author-related achievements and 5 personal favorites of the year. Though every year has its hiccups and rocky moments (and 2019 was no exception), I decided to highlight my favorites of the year.

What’s up for 2020?

I have a growing to-do list for work…logistical things I won’t bore you with. What else do I have to look forward to? The final book in the “hundred” series will release in Spring/Summer 2020! Will Rise from Ashes will also be out as an audio book by mid-year.

I’ve also been working on a contemporary romance. I’ll be speaking at a Worcester Author Book Fair in April and at the Maine RWA chapter in October. You can also find me visiting local bookshops and cafes.

That’s it from here as I wrap up an exciting 2019 and end to a decade. How was your year and decade? What is in store for you in 2020?

Autumn Wrap Up in New England

I’m taking the easier way out for this month’s blog post, as this writer has deadlines and tired/strained eyes from too much screen time and/or bingeing on a show with subtitles. So…I’m doing a visual wrap up of my fall so far! We are now past mid-October, meaning our peak fall foliage is winding down. But, wow, what a gorgeous fall we’ve had so far!

My Fall Favorites this year:

1. Raspberry bushes bursting with abundance — so happy! Looking forward to making jam this winter.

2. Fall Foliage near and far — my stomping ground of central Massachusetts.

3. A visit to Mystic, CT with my bestie.

4. Apples galore! My macoun apples, with some TLC (I am a helicopter gardener), provided!

5. A second weekend away in our new favorite place in Vermont: Mad River Valley of the Green Mountains

6. Our new kitty is feeling quite at home.

7. Kayaks and hikes.

8. Book fairs, signings, and other author events.

9. Writing a few more new books (stay tuned!).

10. New audio book releases this fall/winter.

11. Family Love.

12. Amazing sunsets.

Timing: Fur-babies and Flower-babies

Hindsight is always twenty-twenty, the saying goes.

Timing.

Hundreds of quotations exist on it.

We’re working through a rough season in our home. Like my two characters in one of my books, I ponder whether things happen for a reason (fate/universe/God), or by coincidence. I lean toward the first camp in fate vs. coincidence. Does timing have meaning?

IMO, yes.

Last year, I lost a loved one at Thanksgiving, and a close friendship dissolved shortly before then, too. Some anxiety challenges in our home with one child, transitions galore, job challenges…It was a rough fall.

Then came spring/summer.

Last day in the sun. Saying goodbye to our beloved Indy.

I was supposed to have been out of state this weekend on a press tour/writing media trip. It got delayed (for some reason by the PR company). Then our 15-year-old cat, our beloved Indy (named after yes, Indiana Jones) took a sickly downward spiral while we were away on vacation over Independence Day. We rushed home while our cat-sitter took Indy to the vet on July 5th; thank goodness they were open! She just happened to be checking in on my cat and gardens when he got very sick. I was grateful she was here. Indy was our son’s BFF and one of my fur-babies before human-babies. My son had to go away to a camp two days later. Thankfully, Indy came home from the vet and made it to see his bestie again. Another week later, after diligent hospice care and TLC, Indy joined the warrior cats in the sky. Now we are all processing the grief. But the timing…we are thankful we were here for him.

15 years of love…

Well, hmm, that timing thing? We had planned to adopt a new cat for the kids—a three-month in-the-making surprise. It was all planned ahead of time. When Indy fell ill, we told the kids about the surprise, and the new cat arrived last week per the already planned schedule…and such a joy she’s been to add to our family. Not meant to be a replacement, but rather a companion for Indy, here she is, my new buddy sitting beside me while I write, and a youthful spirit for the kids. She is chatty, sweet, affectionate, and frisky! Another interesting point: the cat’s name is Tres (she was found and fostered; a young 1-year-old momma with three kittens, hence Tres). I am revising a new book where the protagonist has cats; one is named Tres. I do not lie. This naming happened BEFORE we even knew of our new cat’s existence. Eerie…or fate? Timing?

Tres looking out her favorite spot, and over my petunias.

Mother Nature, usually a BFF of mine (as I love everything nature…landscapes, wildlife, exploring our world’s gems), served me a cold dose of reality this summer. My flower gardens are my third love (after family/pets and writing)…they even come before coffee! This year, the rabbits, voles, ants, beetles, fungi/microbes and God-knows what else have decided my numerous and bountiful gardens are their all-you-can-eat buffet.

How can a person become so attached to flowers? I don’t know. Flowers are my utopia. They bring me joy. I baby them. To see meadow sage and phlox I planted ten years ago and have nurtured since, be taken out in one fell swoop—heart-wrenching. Catmint nibbled. Day lilies devoured from the ground up. Raspberries chewed by beetles (still holding hope for a fall crop…), apple trees that have struggled since their planting years ago once again dropping leaves and unripe fruit. Asiatic lilies gave up the fight against the beetles this spring. So much loss.

…I replanted some flowers, repeatedly, only to have the voles delight in another a la carte meal. I hired the Vole Whisperer to come and do his magic…and I *hope* we’ve taken a positive turn after the carnage. I’ve got zealous voles apparently. So-many-holes.

Why all this ramble? Well, it’s been a rough year. But it all comes back to timing. Things happen when they are supposed to…at least I think so. Bummed over my missed trip, I was grateful to be here for Indy’s final days. My cat sitter happened to visit Indy at just the right moment. This weekend, my children’s grandparents had planned to come, in time to help ease the kids’ balms (though that was not the original reason for the visit). Tres joined our family at just the right time. Another missed trip that worked out for the better. Indy waiting for his BFF to return from camp before he passed on to the next life.

Timing.

Now, I am still trying to figure out my timing on the flowers. Hindsight. Maybe this fall I’ll know why. Or next summer.

Timing of course passes over into other parts of our lives, too. I’ve seen it on my road to publication (and still see it while running the course). Hindsight really is twenty-twenty. Until then, I keep doing what I am doing.

Into the Wild: An Extroverted Introvert's Day Out

I’ve been delinquent in keeping up with my blog posts as of late, while on the heels of three new book releases. I still have a topic floating in the back of my mind about “Life on Plan B.” That one will come. Today, something different stirred me. I was going to post about the “writer’s life” as I work from home and juggle family, house, and all the stuff life slaps at you. Instead, I want to write about being out in the wild. As in…home-bound authors who venture out! (p.s. yes, I’m talking to you other writers who hole away in seclusion for too long…I personally go a bit nutty being home with just me, myself, and I most days.)

I’m an extroverted introvert meaning I prefer to stay home for some R&R with family, gardening, writing, TV, or books but I do love to go out and talk with other humans. I miss the camaraderie of an office (but not the drama). Not big parties or loud events (though I can navigate those just fine), but rather if I do go out, my #1 place is to enjoy nature either by boot, paddle, or pedal. If needed, I can also rock it in the extroverted world. Hence I’m an extroverted introvert. I write in cafes, waiting areas, doctor’s offices, coffee shops, bookstores, libraries, my car during parent pick-up at school or at the bus-stop….the list is long. If I can tote my computer with me and I have some down time, I write…with or without noise and distractions. I can filter them out (or pop in earbuds).

I also observe in the wild.

Newborn baby crying next to me…momma ushering her two or three little ones through the door: both tug at the heartstrings because I have been there (and I’m still there sometimes). They aren’t distractions to me (perhaps because I’ve been writing around the “chaos” in my house for the past ten years). Instead, they are reminders of life. My observations of the world outside my house.

Out in the wild today…I visited a new mechanic’s shop to deal with a recurring problem. I was at my wit’s end with this ongoing issue with my SUV. At 180K miles, it has kid stickers plastered on the windows, stained seats, and ground goldfish on the floor (okay, those were vacuumed up yesterday). It has also seen many years in my family’s life. I arrived at the mechanic’s shop with Plan B: I wore my sneakers in case I needed to go for a walk while waiting, and I brought my laptop in case the shop had a waiting area. Score! My first choice prevailed (writing).

I sat, dug into edits, but soon found myself chatting with the mechanics. One talked all things books. He loves to read and I am a writer: instant chitchat! The other one and I conversed about travel…we’ve ventured to a few similar places such as Yosemite and Yellowstone. Though I came prepared to work (or walk), I ended up working for just a fraction of the time, carrying on lively conversations instead. Car fixed, I now have a new mechanic’s shop to go to. And for a writer who spends most of her time at home or talking to her children, it fed my need to socialize and connect with others.

What finally spurred me to write the post today was what I saw today at lunch. After the mechanic detour and some errands, I needed to eat before heading off to an appointment. I stopped at a fast food joint (nicely remodeled with comfy chairs and service). I located a cozy spot (watching the door) and prepared for a 45 minute editing power session.  

Beside me sat a middle-aged man with his two senior parents. Maybe it’s because I am a mom to two sons, but I found myself drawn to their interaction. Part of being in the wild is people-watching. The man tenderly, lovingly took care of his mother and father. Answered their repeated questions. Treated them with respect, nurturing, and compassion. I’ll be honest, I got teary-eyed. It tugged at my heartstrings. I can only hope I will raise my sons to be the same gentle-spirited, kind adult souls.

[Side tangent: My 12-year-old son with special needs patiently taught me how to ride a bike this weekend after he just only got his training wheels off at age 11 this fall—wow, he is a sweetheart! And what a humbling, heart-squeezing moment. “Mom, this is how you change gears…” he said as I made him promise to not let go of my handle bar while he walked beside me. The display of the older man with his parents reminded me of my son and fed my wish that he will grow up to be that type of human being.]

Where am I going with this disjointed ramble? Not sure. All that I know is some days, when we are harried by frustrations like overbooked schedules and missing our editing deadlines and dealing with the same old car issue, life shows us the beauty of the wild. Friendly chats, tender adult sons, snapshots of life among the chaos.

My power session flew quickly and I wrote this blog post instead of editing. Then I rushed off to the appointment, dealt with the kid after-school-hustle, yada yada. I hope to snatch a few crumbs of time here and there to keep editing this evening (around the chaos).

Did I enjoy my venture into the wild, away from the isolation of home? Yes, yes I did. And I highly recommend that we all take a break from the workload, even if we need to force it (I know this can be more difficult for some people) and get out into the wild.

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I’d love to hear from you. Are you an introvert, extrovert, or some mishmash between? How do you get out into the wild, explore the world, and feed your soul?