Staring at Page 186…

Here I am, staring at page 186 in my latest manuscript…for the past month. I was moving along at a fast pace, churning out 2000-5000 words a day on this first draft of my latest novel. I had goals! Let’s see: To be done with draft v001 by the end of October. Send it off to my first betas. Get feedback. Revise in November (even though my manuscripts have always taken me months and months to revise and polish…but I had a new method of crafting charts/characters/plots to streamline the revision process). Submit to my editor by December/January.

I had a plan. Then life hit.

Many artists and creatives struggle with daily mental illness such as depression or anxiety. I’m nearly forty years old and have suffered with both most of my life. I’m still conquering my demons, healing new and old wounds, and working on my inner self-talk. Recently life got “lifey” and my plan—yeah, it crashed and burned. I went from high output to a dead stop. Granted, perhaps I saw this coming as I’ve been going through several life/career transitions and I’ve been grooving in survival mode for a few years. I usually keep myself very busy…so busy that the depression and anxiety can remain hidden, its claws safely shackled behind closed doors. However, that only works for a while. Then it (“life”) all came at once—I jumped into the deep end without the required gulp of air needed when you drop down 12 feet to the bottom of the pool.

Digging into the heart of the issue is tough and can seem impossible. Recently a friend shared the Hilarious World of Depression podcasts with me (and she had no idea what I was currently going through). At first I saw it and thought, “How can depression be funny?” Obviously the podcasts are not angled that way. In fact, I listened to a few and found myself nodding in agreement.

So why am I writing this post? First, to boost my monthly word count. Joking aside, well, I wrote it to show that like many others out there, you are not alone in your struggles. Mental illness is not a light matter.

Please know that there are resources out there for you. Text 741741 or call the Suicide Prevention number 1-800-273-8255 to speak to someone if you are on the ledge. Call a friend, family member, or spiritual mentor.

Seek out friends, professionals, and medicine if needed. Telling a person who’s depressed to just suck it up, get out of the house, exercise, just hop on the horse again, or keep busy…great advice, but we all know that it’s not that simple.

It sounds counter-intuitive but one way for me to help myself is to reach out to others who are in the same boat and help them. (Hence this post). For example, I’ve learned through my own journeys, such as parenting a special needs child, that when I need help, the best thing is to first get help where needed (friends, professionals, etc.) and not keep the pain bottled up, and second, to reach out to others who may also be in need. Just a year ago, I was seeking friends who were walking the same parenting journey, so I created a local Facebook group for just that…and we have over 350 people in the group, from parents to educators, all sharing and supporting.

So recently, as I deal with anxiety, turbulent waters, and transitions, I’ve reached out to friends who I know I can count on…and I’m reaching out to you in the hopes that my words will provide comfort and support if you are struggling as well. You are not alone. You are worthy. You are important. You can get through this.

After a few weeks at the dark bottom of the deep end, I can see the light at the surface. It may be a long swim up, but I soon hope to be no longer staring at page 186…

Bring on page 187 and beyond and hopefully I will burst through the surface of that water and take another gulp of fresh air.

May 1, 2018 - My Update!

Update! I broke through in November. Managed to finish by Christmas. Sent to betas. They loved. Edited. Sent to my editor by April, 2018. Now waiting on her thoughts...Feeling better. Put weight back on (too much). Working through all my muddy gunk and on the healing road.

Summer 2018 -

The book is in the final galley process of publication. Release in early 2019!

Always with love,

Jean

Two songs that help me get up each day and empower me with the ability to change impossible to possible:

Gym Class Heroes “The Fighter”

Andra Day’s “Rise Up”

The Ice Cream Truck Isn't Coming Anymore

Okay, well, now that I look at that title, it seems a bit sad. But hang with me here a moment…

September marks a time of transition in most households. The weather grows cooler, prime vacation season ends, children return to school, the days get shorter, and some people start new jobs.

And the ice cream truck doesn’t come anymore.

Certainly many parents are happy to no longer hear that jingle blaring from the truck cruising a little too creepily through the neighborhood. The kids…are maybe not as delighted. (Disclaimer: my children have yet to notice that the truck’s not been coming around) And why must the truck just happen to come at 5:50 p.m. every evening during dinner?

Heedless of the bargain half-gallon of ice cream in the freezer, my children grab their allowance money and rush out the front door to buy overpriced, artificially-colored treats every time the truck comes around our corner. Every darn time. If the AC is on and windows are closed, my husband and I share "the look" when we see the truck and they don't....

Perhaps it’s the thrill of being able to pick what they want from the massive menu or to get to spend their own money. There is this magical novelty about standing on the curb waiting for the truck to pass. There’s something about summer and ice cream trucks. A rite of passage for our youth, maybe? A trigger of fond childhood memories as well?

Alas, as the truck disappears until next year, summer also slips away from us before we know it. No more lazy pool or lake days. No more excursions to the beach, mountain, or beyond. No more lax schedule.

This week marks some big changes in our family, too. After three wonderful years at my current work position (education director for a church), I resigned to write full-time. Like many changes, it has come with both sadness and excitement. I’ll always cherish my time working with the youngest members of our congregation, watching them grow from doe-eyed elementary children to perceptive (and sassy) middle-schoolers. However, as my own children grow through their elementary years and our family life turns into a circus juggling act, I knew I needed to make some changes.

I took a leap of faith and now write from home full-time. I’m exhilarated to step out on this path. And terrified. I’ll admit that. Writing has been in my blood and a part of my life for nearly two decades but it’s taken the backseat to life and career demands. The decision to follow this passion full-time was not an easy one, but I know I won’t regret it. Change is part of life. Change is scary and amazing, filled with triumphs and stumbles. Change is like that ice cream truck. It comes for seasons.

Just as we’ll reminisce about those hot summer days, with ice cream dripping down our wrists as we devour a delicious cone, we’ll remember that each season of the year and each season in our life brings a new experience.

Some goodbyes are only temporary, as we know for sure that truck will be driving its route through my neighborhood next year. What lies ahead this fall? The palette of autumn with apple-picking, new routines, and scenic drives. And a new adventure for this author.

But I will always know, be it a scorching summer day or a blistering cold winter night, there is always room for ice cream.

Ice cream served in a lighthouse in Nova Scotia, Canada.

19 Years in Numbers

Today is the day! My debut novel, A HUNDRED KISSES, is finally out! I’m not sure what most authors do on their big days (…notice that plural I snuck in there? I plan on having many more big release days…). Besides having a glass of Atholl Brose (although this non-drinker would rather celebrate with a frothy latte), and a fun book release party complete with bannocks & whisky, I am keeping it low key. Okay, yes, I am blasting social media a wee bit, too. So let’s get the plug for my book out of the way first. Hop over here to order it via Amazon or The Wild Rose Press [both have e-book and paperback options available]. Don’t forget to please post a review on Amazon or Goodreads! Authors value their readers’ feedback. Thank you in advance!

Next, I’d love to shout out a gigantic heartfelt thank-you to many people. First, to my mother, who continues to inspire me. She will always be with me in spirit, in the words that flow off my fingertips, and in my memories. Thank you, my dear husband, who has put up with my raving writer antics and ramblings about characters you have never met. Thank you to my amazing sons’ who were patient when “mommy was on her computer again.” [That won't be ending anytime soon, kiddos]. Thank you to my family - for cheering me on all steps of the way, including my dad, stepmom, mother and father-in-law, brothers, aunts, and my sister (and sister-in-laws). And my friends – you all know who you are – whether you were a coveted beta reader (Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!) or a friend who listened to this tormented writer's woes. [Quick plug for my writing warrior and sidekick for this entire journey, Lorraine – check out her website & blog]

Plugs – done. Thank you’s – done. Now back to numbers...

With the necessaries out of the way, I’d like to digress and talk about numbers. I’m a scientist by training and a list-maker. I do enjoy numbers and a list of organized thoughts, to-do’s, or “a top ten.” Certainly my logical scientist has shifted to the passenger seat while the creative artist jumped behind the wheel a few years ago when I decided to more actively pursue my writing dream. Right now the scientist has become map-holder and navigator. Sometimes that crazy driver takes me on detours, around bumpy turns, and down dead-end roads. But oh, what a ride it has been!

So, back to numbers. Well, since my book is called A Hundred Kisses, I thought the past 19 years in numbers would be fun to contemplate. Enjoy. And so many thanks to all!

Sláinte,

Jean

19 Years in Numbers and yes my son took that photo after I ripped open (with careful excitement) the delivery box!

Finding Magic and Myths in Scotland

Thistles and heather. Kilts. Castles. Ruins. Craggy mountains. Rain. Lots of rain. Sheep.

Magic. Mystery.

My trip to Scotland fulfilled a bucket list goal and it also fed my imagination for writing about this windswept, mystical place. It was a memorable trip indeed!

When I finally made a trip to Scotland in 2008 after reading books set there (Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander, or Judy Garwood’s books, anyone?), I was not disappointed. Those books were just teasers. I was going to see the real thing. They don’t call me a Daydream Believer for nothing (although I was not a homecoming queen, but the Monkees got it pretty close). Kilted Highland lairds (and Jamie Frasier), castles, mountains, and enchanting romances…ah, yeah, I was hooked. And as luck would have it, I even married a man with Scottish ancestry, who – drum roll, please – wore a kilt for our wedding (round out with a bagpiper for entertainment). So, for our anniversary a few years later, it only seemed logical to set off on a fairy tale trip. My husband had studied in Scotland for a semester in college, so he brought a wealth of insider knowledge.

Oh, but did I mention that it rains in Scotland? A lot. Even though September is supposed to be a drier month, many of our supposedly breathtaking sights were shrouded in a gray cloud of heavy precipitation. Aside from our mishaps (which I'll elaborate upon in a moment), Scotland fulfilled my preconceived notions, with my own Scottish knight by my side to escort me through the perils of winding highland roads, haunting castle ruins, and dark alleyways to questionable hostels.

Lone sheep wandered down the middle of a meandering country road. Windswept moors, heather fields, and green rolling hills flanked our drives. Wild rocky trails and impressive mountains greeted us on our hikes. Blue lochs were aplenty (yes, Loch Ness is a deep beautiful loch and no, we didn’t see Nessie – but we did see the ghostly remains of Urquhart castle) on our two-week trip in this geological gem of a country. I think I gasped on the tarmac when I emerged from the plane in Glasgow.

My husband and I packed our itinerary because when we go tramping, we set the bar high and want to soak it all in! What can a couple do in less than two weeks? Well…

• Visit a dozen castles and palaces (Threave castle required a rowboat ride across an overflowed River Dee)

• Kayak on the astutely named Loch Awe to the ruins of Kilchurn Castle

• Hike through Highlands and mountains

• Watch a Highland game

• Partake in culinary delights such as haggis and fish and chips

• Carry on conversations with locals (about the upcoming American presidential election)

• Drive over sketchy bridges to reach Rua Reidh, a lighthouse hostel on the North Minch of Wester Ross (no, not the Westeros of Game of Thrones fame, but I can see the striking similarities)

• Expand our navigation skills on double-roundabouts (like a figure 8), one lane roads, and left-side driving

• Meander through abbey and church ruins

• Take a moment of reflection at the remains of Culloden battlefield

• Stay at the haunted (yes, there's a ghost) 14th century Borthwick Castle

Certainly there were lows (err, mishaps?)…blowing out a car tire on a rock, getting a manual car instead of an automatic, while driving on the opposite side of the road (it is the UK, after all) – oops!, castles closing before we got there, getting lost on city roads, plodding trough the deluging rain to find a hostel down a dark alley, and hiking a washed out trail through Glencoe, while hundreds of midges made a home in my hair…okay, those are a lot of mishaps for one vacation. Nonetheless, I left Scotland feeling rejuvenated and inspired and ready to take on the next big novel!

The setting in A Hundred Kisses (release date is this spring, stay tuned!) takes my hero and heroine on a journey across Skye (another soaker of a day on our trip – those majestic Cuillin, yeah, they were hidden by rain – thank goodness for internet research). But their journey begins at a signature castle, Eilean Donan, and remarkably, sunshine visited us that day. This castle is as resplendent and utterly romantic as all the pictures portray. We even managed a solo visit right before a tour bus arrived. We didn’t get out to the big islands to see standing stones, so as luck would have it, there’s a bit of that in my novel, too. I did say I have a good imagination (and love research), right? Our visit to Dryburgh Abbey inspired one of my “practice novels” (the manuscript currently sits on my desk for revision, awaiting resurrection as I contemplate throwing a ghost into that story). And magic? What thirteenth-century Scottish romance would be complete without that magical element entrenched in those standing stones and a culture rooted in superstitions (remember Nessie)?

So, how did we do on our Scotland adventure? Thistles and heather – check! Kilts, castles, ruins, craggy mountains, lots of rain, sheep – check!

Magic and mystery?

Checkmate.

Slioch (a view from a hike up Ben Eighe), a thistle, Eilean Donan Castle, and Glencoe.

Breaking into the Business: Patience, Perseverance, and Putting in the Time

Have you ever sat at the pool or beach and watched children play? The adventurers jump right in and splash around. The builders play in the sand, meticulously constructing a castle. It gets demolished by a wave, but they start again. The cautious ones dip a toe in first and gradually work up to their waist. And the observers may never enter the water out of fear or the preference to sit back and soak in the rays.

Breaking into the business of publishing your written work can be the same way. We’re all unique as evidenced in our stories, methodologies, and approach to publishing. Are we bold explorers? Detailed engineers? Tentative investigators? Or do we sit back and wait?

We acquire many traits as we journey on the road to becoming a published author… thicker skin, the knack to function on minimal sleep when needed (parenting can do that, too!), coffee/tea/chocolate addictions, Facebook and internet procrastinating, the ability to write a scene in your mind while driving and carrying on a conversation with your child…the list goes on.

We also acquire the ability to swim and not sink.

This leads me to three essential skills every author should master: Patience, Perseverance, and Putting in the Time.

Patience

You will not publish overnight. You are not born a master. It takes time to become good at writing, like any other skill. Michael Phelps was not born with a gold medal in his hand. He worked at it. Never stop learning.

“We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.”
—Ernest Hemingway

It will take time. Yes, there are some quick success stories out there, but most authors have put a lot of time into their writing before it pays off.  I have logged almost two decades of time. Certainly not everyone’s road to publishing will take this long. Also, patience doesn’t end with the first “yes, we want to publish your book!” Patience in the process is a must. It takes a while. Be patient with yourself and the publishing world. It will happen if you keep at it!

Perseverance

The greatest have failed over and over again. Rejection is an essential part of the journey. It means you’re putting your neck out there. It means you get positive and negative critiques on your writing. It means you’re honing your skills. Stephen King used to hang his rejections on a nail on the wall as a reminder. What if J.K.Rowling had given up after the first or tenth rejection or because life’s hardships and unpredictability got to be too much? There would be no Harry Potter.

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”

– J.K. Rowling

I wrote three full-length novels before my fourth one made it past the ax. Four was my lucky number.  What made that one different? I took the advice I learned from my rejections and critiques from the former three and applied it to the newest book. I crept out of my comfort zone and tried something different. I didn’t let doubts curtail my hopes.  

All the bestsellers have their rejection stories: Dr. Seuss, Agatha Christie, Margaret Mitchell, C.S. Lewis, to name just a few. So many. Imagine if they had given up?

Negative critiques from my beta readers on my first draft of my novels didn’t discourage me (certainly I may wallow a little in my coffee and eat a few too many donuts). One time a contest judge asked if English was my second language. Yup, true story. Ultimately it’s up to you as writer to take it all in, file it appropriately, and use it to improve your writing. Open minds are a prerequisite for this job.

“I don’t care if a reader hates one of my stories, just as long as he finishes the book.”
—Roald Dahl

Don’t stop. Turn it to good. How can you apply what you’ve learned with that rejection, negative review, or setback?

Putting in the Time

Writing is not just writing and creating. I spend many hours researching, learning the craft, editing, networking, and studying my field (agents, publishers, trends, etc.). Soon, promoting will be added to that long list of tasks. When we begin the journey, we are eager to just write – to get it all down! But then come the edits, writer’s blocks, more research, more reading. So when you’ve gotten over the honeymoon period of writing, what’s next? Gather all the writing how-to resources you can (books, websites, conferences, mentors, writing groups, associations). Read up on submission. Study your market and agents/publishers. Read your genre. Make your submissions shine. Revise again and again. Nobody submits a first draft. 

“Write. Rewrite. When not writing or rewriting, read. I know of no shortcuts.”
—Larry L. King

Distractions abound. Howling cats, dirty dishes piled in the sink, demanding children, the limitlessness of the internet, finally cleaning out that junk drawer…oh wait, you want dinner, kids? Life obligations. We all have them. Distractions can be the biggest killer of our momentum. Keep at it. Carve out the time. Write in the nooks and crannies. Set aside a quiet space and time to write. Create while driving, in the shower, or on a nature walk. Had a great dream? Write it down. Carry an old-fashioned notebook around. Or type it on your phone. Email yourself.

"I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me.”
—Ray Bradbury

Write what you know and love. It’s really a simple strategy. Write your dreams. It’s as simple as that. Draw from your own life or experience, or create a new world. I love Scotland and happy endings, so my first books were medieval romances. I have a son with autism who loves volcanoes, so my next book has both in it. I love to travel and enjoy the outdoors, so I’ve been writing magazine articles about some of those adventures. My aunt told me an interesting story that I turned into a short story (and it may become a novella).

“Every secret of a writer’s soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works.”
—Virginia Woolf

Always have something in the queue. Diversify your approaches. In a slump with your novel? Search out some magazines. Write a short story. Enter contests. Join writers groups. Having cheerleaders (who will give you brutal honest feedback – no sugarcoating allowed!) by your side is a must.

You’ve got this!

You may be wondering – do I self-publish? Seek out an agent? Big press versus small press? It all depends on you, your story/genre, and your preference on how much guidance or independence you want. I didn’t want to self-publish. Okay, so I am stubborn! I tried agents for years. Years. Four books. Probably over a hundred rejections between them all (however, with each book, I got more requests to read partials or full manuscripts from agents or publishers – evidence that I was growing as a writer). I tried a few big house publishers. Ultimately, I decided to try a small press. I queried two of them. One loved it. That was my golden ticket. I have been extremely happy in the publication process with the small press. I’m still only 6 months into the process, but I highly recommend a small press that is driven to support its authors. Remember, what worked for me may not work for you.

It doesn’t matter how you approach the ocean...the world of publication. Do a belly flop. Step slowly, one toe at a time. Tread water for a little while. You know your heart and your writing. Set goals. Be patient. Persevere. Put in the time and eventually you will be swimming like an Olympian.  

“Long patience and application saturated with your heart’s blood—you will either write or you will not—and the only way to find out whether you will or not is to try.”
—Jim Tully

See you in the New Year! Keep on keeping on.

One of my favorite beaches - Abel Tasman, New Zealand.